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I woke up after 14 hours of sleep. My body needed it.

I like having Thanksgiving as a day to reflect and to spend with family and if there is a significant other, then also with him.

This year was no different with the exception of one thing. D and I have had a back and forth come here go away relationship for a couple of months. The eve of Thanksgiving, after not hearing from him for a full week, I broke down and called. The chat went particularly well, with him telling me that he’d call me for Thanksgiving, towards the evening.

He didn’t.

Instead, he’d sent a short txt message telling me that he had gotten to his destination safely, was tired, and hoped that I was having a good one with my family. When I tried calling him late later in the evening, he didn’t pick up.

And it was in that moment that I felt I was done. That nothing would get this back on track.

My birthday is in roughly two weeks, with christmas and new year’s following. December is always a stressful time for me and one where I was looking forward to spending with D. Instead, I’ll be falling back on my pillow of friends, gathering up the little pieces, and moving onwards. With L, I never would have given it up a moment earlier. With D, I just wonder if I should have gone with my initial gut feeling and just kept things friendly. I’ll never know but I’m ready for something real.

Posted in Everything else.

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